My favorite explanation and translation of the word "hope" comes from the Philippines, where in certain connotations it is literally translated as being an expectation. Ergo, hope is protecting me. I expect that come what may, God will work life out for me.
I have a lot of life to live until then though, so I will just keep hoping in hope.
Unsurprisingly, hope in that end can be difficult because I have such a linear reference of time. Plus, as most of my friends insist reminding me of, patience is definitely not one of my strong points. But it isn't all that hard, except for when dreams keep going unnoticed and unfulfilled. For instance, I am working on earning the money to purchase an ipad. I have plenty of patience for that, but I suppose that is simply because it won't contribute to my emotional well-being. I have other dreams that require patience as well, but they aren't a constant emotional strain. Granted, the one that I am referring to is one that I have had for almost five years and will likely never happen. People tell me that I am being foolish by holding onto that hope.
Foolish for hoping? Okay. It is time for the greatest of all confessions!
(Okay, considering how anti-climactic it will be now that I've said that, I will add a quick disclaimer. It might not actually be the greatest confession ever).
Although I usually verbally acquiesce to my friend's insistence that I forget that hope, I realize that they have no say in it. Ergo I ignore them! I have found out that my independence and knowledge of myself will allow me to do what is best for me.
Now that I sound utterly defensive of my dreams, let's talk. I gave up all the dreams that I had ever had when Dad died. I didn't want to get married, go to school, go to Disneyland, Europe, have children, or even exist. I didn't want anything for Christmas either. I adopted the mentality that nothing was ever going to go well for me ever again, which would, in theory, make me happy when good things did happen. What a twisted theory! It might have been worth something, had I not grown up and discovered that happiness comes as a decision.
Long story short? I have the most beautiful dreams imaginable.
Not to brag or anything, but I am going to achieve those dreams. I'm on my way there right now! I am attending a wonderful University that is providing me the necessary tools to help me achieve them. I may still be single, but as a part of my major I will be doing an internship during Fall semester of 2011 in Washington D.C. doing research work in the Library of Congress. If all goes according to my dreams then I will be teaching an American Humanities class in a private school in a few short years. That won't sound like a dream to most people. I'm not most people and that is my dream - I'm dreaming of making a difference.
Did I mention that I have already been to Disneyland this year?
Spes Me Dedendit
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