Nova Vita Amo

The new life I love.

I'll be honest and say that I am loving how my life is going right now. Sometimes I want to be talented enough to be poetic and write out a long, descriptive sonnet about how great life is.

Except I cannot figure out the right things to say.

For example, today I was lying out in the warm grass looking up at the trees that line the street in front of my apartment complex and I couldn't help but think that today would be a great day for being creative with my writing. However, I have no clue how to depict how the leaves were glittering in the sunlight. They were radiant white as the breeze gently rustled them... I have no idea where I am going with this.

Essentially what I want to say is this: It is a hard thing to love someone, albeit the easiest thing in the world.

I've realized that love is a scary, scary place to be in. There is a lot of faith, hope, and trust that you have to put into the equation, but you get burned a lot of the time. I have been burned a lot. I have also burned a lot, which I mean quite literally (I have proof). I think that in the last year alone I have been burned only... Seven times? Eight? After all of that heartache, I swore off love and finally made career decisions for a life all alone. That would have worked too, except that one of my friends made a prophetic statement towards my renewed scholastic zeal. He said:

"Love is what happens when you finally make plans."

Maybe I walked right into love - or maybe it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks - but in any case, love is here and I cannot stop marveling about it.

Love is among the few contradictions that actually makes sense to me. It is agony and bliss, joy and pain, laughter and tears. It is ugly and it is beautiful, aggravated and serene - the epitome of a calm storm. What do you do with love? Can it be trusted?

Because of all the tumult that loving can cause, there is a lot of fear attached to it. How can you love if you have been betrayed in a moment of pure trust? To that I answer that love is another aspect of life that you must embrace. You cannot shy away from it, unless you want to miss out on life itself.

"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you..." (Count of Monte Cristo)

The undeniable fact of life is that life is tough and that there are many storms that shatter us against the rocks. Love is that glimmer of sunlight that streams to us through the stormy clouds. It has the potential to help us rise and dance through the storms of life - but only if we give it the chance...

... And life is just better when you dance in the rain...

Nova Vita Amo

Festina Lente

"Make haste slowly," was one of Caesar's favorite sayings. But what does it really mean? It has caught my eye in the last few weeks as I've started working in my Latin class. So far, it means that I should let my life continue and make progress towards better things, but that I need to enjoy the ride.

And that is precisely what I am doing lately.

I enjoyed being home for the summer, where I spent the last leg of mourning for a "might-have-been." Honestly, I cried for half of the time that I was there because he hadn't wanted me - that he just left me after all sorts of promises to the contrary.

And that is when I met him.

I have never been happier.

My life is rapidly changing as I make progress towards new horizons - and I am enjoying the ride. This year will change a lot of things for me, but I am opening my heart and welcoming the changes. It finally feels as if hope is connecting my heart to my mind.

I was reminded this morning of a quote from "Meet Joe Black," which has triggered this hopeful post:

"I want you to get swept away. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish... Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be... I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart... Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived... Who knows? Lightning could strike."

I think I have finally met him - and we are exquisitely happy.

Festina Lente!