Veni, Vidi, Volo In Domum Redire

I came, I saw, I want to go home.

Let's talk about home tonight. What is home and why do people, such as myself, obsess about it so much? According to a wall hanging in my neighbor's house, it is: "No matter what, No matter where, It's only home, If love is there." Okay, love seems to be a great reason to go home, but what kind of love are we talking about here: A. Familial. B. Locational. C. Sentimental. D. All of the above?

This train of thought is stemmed by months of time at home and a weekend visit from one of my school friends that is causing me to approach my home in my perception of his perspective. Would anyone be surprised that the result of this thinking included mental and emotional breakdown?

Me neither, unfortunately. But did it really have to happen at church in front of my friend and peers?

Yes, it did.

How can I even begin to articulate the depth of my emotion? How can I provide any explanation?

I love my home. In my perception, home is the town where I grew up, the water, and my younger three siblings. It is my father's cemetery. It is all of the sights, scents, and sounds that are distinctive to this region. Everything that I have become was the result of my home. Things were hard. Things were terribly difficult. Yet there were the most glorious times. Love, death, and everything in-between. In short, home used to be a place of refuge and happiness.

But that security has passed due to circumstances beyond my control, and somehow I still feel the need to apologize for it because I am embarrassed that I am still having a hard time and want to go home. I don't know where home is anymore, beyond my location. My world is irrevocably crumbling around me and I am powerless to stop it. In addition to being powerless, I am dreamless, passionless, and discouraged. Life is beautiful and wonderful, but it is beyond me why I am here and where I even belong? The worst of it is that I was such a Daddy's Girl that the thing I look forward to the most is getting back home to him. With every particle of my being, I look forward to that day! I came, I saw, and now I can't wait to go home.

"I've had my run, baby I'm done - I want to go home" (Michael Bublé).

Veni, Vidi, Volo In Domum Redire