I wish I had an insightful perspective regarding love. However, when it comes to love, all I hold claim to are vague and distant memories.
Memories are very dangerous things. Sometimes I am able to go about my life for days or weeks without a single thought towards them. But after a while, when change is imminent, they creep up behind me like wraith and stunt the impending change. Why is there such a disconnect between my head and my heart? My head tells me that there isn't a chance in the world - but my heart refuses to relinquish hope.
The thing about it that is strange is that I am not sad about it. Doesn't that just beat the band?
Sadness evades me, but emotion certainly does not. Maybe someday.. But that is just a hope. Until then, it ought to be time to solely hit the books and keep pressing forward... Ought...
And here is where the good stuff comes in. Picture in your mind a dateless Friday night. What does a girl usually do? Yes. She does watch Twilight. But this is the confusing part - I actually kind of abhor and disdain Twilight. It is a tacky story about a girl who is absolutely pathetically in love with a cold hearted killer, who is able to leave her at a moments notice. What is so great about that and why on earth would anyone want to spend two perfectly good hours watching something as mindless as that?
Hormones. Sometimes I just need a Twilight fix.
I cannot explain why beyond hormones. (Do I need any other explanation? Hormones are a great explanation for almost every malady....OKAY, so I am joking, although most guys would agree with this). But the fact of the matter is that tonight Twilight revved up any semblance of hope that I might have that one day my memories will also be my future.
Anyway, now that conflicting thoughts and emotions are racing through me, here is something that I wrote about a year ago in an attempt to articulate my memories:
There is a thought,
A cherished dream,
The glimmer of life
That we never shall see.
Aching solitude washes over me
As I reflect upon the scene
That could have been -
That would have been
A gem to you and me.
In amore memoria...
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