Familia, Amor et Vita

Family, Love and Life

It is the middle of the night and I cannot sleep. Everything in my life seems to be perfect and falling apart. Why is that? I don't want to make it sound like I am complaining, but I am overwhelmed with the goodness and the sulkiness of life right now. I cannot even fathom how difficult these next few months will be for me. I am facing surgery in the next couple of weeks, recovery and more physical therapy, and months without many friends my age. I love my home so much, but I need to be out living my life - and I can't.

Family

I am happy about something wonderful though - this weekend has been one of the most beautiful that I can remember since dad died. I feel as though everyone is trying their very hardest to make the family work, which is bringing the spirit of Christmas deeply into our home. For the first time in years I feel like I have a complete family. I still miss my dad and nothing can change that, but what we still have is a beautiful thing.

Love

I want to be in love but I think that I might be too picky to ever be in love. I definitely have a very specific type that I am attracted to, but the men in that category put me in the friend zone, marry/date other women, or are younger and on missions. All three of those groups are problematic, so I am facing another single year. I need to stop complaining though, but I am overwhelmed. It is looking as though I am stuck here until next Fall, so I don't have a chance to find someone who will love me until then. I really hope that no one reads this post because I am so disgusted with myself for being upset about that... But I am so ready to be in love. I have a lot of love to give - but only to the right person. I am definitely not the type who will just kiss anyone. I believe that kissing is a beautiful and intimate expression of adoration for another person. Kisses lose their meaning when they are just given out to anyone who asks. It is funny that although I firmly believe this, I am frequently propositioned to make out. Do people really see me as though I were a floozy? Oh well.

Life

As for life, all I really have to say right now is that my labrum hurts a lot. I am shaky and exhausted, but the pain of it is keeping me awake. No one understands how it is, but I hurt all of the time. I miss walking and running around. I have many months ahead of me before I can even hope to do either of those easily. I just feel like I am caught in limbo. It is halfway exciting though to see how this will all turn out. Something good is bound to come from it. Something good always comes from hard times, the tricky part is trying to find it. But the search makes the adventure fun. It is also exhausting.

Que sera.

Familia, Amor et Vita